Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize