evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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