I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
