i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
