oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Be still, my beating vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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