Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
