I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
