Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
