a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
