I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
