if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
