the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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