I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
