She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You almost got us killed.
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