You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Panties = found
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
