he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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