the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
