dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
