I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
