She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
