Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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