I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
