ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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