I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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