My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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