are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
