I'm passing your future prison.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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