i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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