Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
time to smoke my breakfast
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
