btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she peed on how many people?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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