Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
