I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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