I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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