I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
