i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
