if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
