it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
