They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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