yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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