At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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