ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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