Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
