I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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