Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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