i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So much rum. So many feels.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
