Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
