I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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