You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
