Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
