Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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