Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Green mimosas i think yes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
