I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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