So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We are two peas in an std pod
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
