Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
