Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
