apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
