So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
