Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This couple is walking their pig around campus
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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