Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
