I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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