The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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