Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
