its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
