Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
