i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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