about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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