We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
