He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize