you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
