I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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