i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
