yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
