i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
