I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
