I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We left an ass print on the piano.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
