the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
