Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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